Lost in Emptyness

2010-09-14T17:35:00.003+08:00

A long time has come since I've felt this way. That what you do doesn't matter anymore. Yea so what if I scored 87% on my test, I have no one to celebrate with.. So what if I found out a new place to eat at, I have no one to go with. So what if I have found out something new, I have no one to share it with. Every smile and every tear, no one is there to catch it.. Not anymore.. Once upon a time, a long time ago, I shut my emotions out because they were all filled negatively with an occasional positive spark. For 5 years now, i re-affixed my heart and started to explore the intrinsic spectrum of emotions available to humanity. It was engaging at first, but the novelty has since ceased. The endorphine has all but worn out.. and the pain has flooded in. How do couples last a lifetime? I do not know. The plan was simple, I settle down then you move over when the next semester starts. Time being apart I have to admit, it exist. But temporal none the less. You came here for vacation to have a glimpse of what it will be like. And I could see that you were excited. Not overly but still enough. During your time here, we went around the place and basically just have fun. I throughly enjoyed spending time with you once again and I believe you did too. Time came when you had to go. I bid you farewell and we parted. Knowing the next time we meet, we will embark on our journey together. With no one else to depend on but ourselves was something I hold on to when my eyes started welling up on the bus as it departs the airport. The night itself, was the coldest night I had ever since coming out here. The bed was bone chilling and the 4 walls absorbed every joule of heat. I smsed jean to get her to pick you up cos you had extra bags only to realize that they already have arranged for it. After you called me to let me know that you've landed, it was confirmed. I was alone again. You sounded happy and excited to share your tale with your friends and I don't blame you. But all I had was 4 walls and a pile of overdue assignments. I didn't want to make you worry so I told you I was watching movies instead. I sat with only the table lamp on and slowly plow through the assignments and every now and then, a tear drop would fall and hit the paper and I would pause and wipe. I couldn't sleep that night. I felt lost and so alone. But this is the path that I've chosen. It's not the best I've made. In 2 days, you have a surgery to remove the ganglion on your hand which have been there for quite awhile. I won't be around for that. I know you are scared and weak inside and you can't draw your strength from me cos I'm not around. I'm sorry I should be around. I love you. I understand if this is no longer what you want or if I cannot give you what you need anymore. I hope life treats you well. And peace guard your heart.

2010-09-14T13:08:00.003+08:00

Whatever pain whatever torture, as long as it shows you the love in my heart for you, I think it's a price I'd gladly pay.. Love.

2010-09-10T21:19:00.002+08:00

i wish i never existed.. cos no matter what i do, it never ever seems enough for the world.. I spent my entire study break with u so that u can have a good holiday.. skipped all my studying and homework.. then I had to cramp all of that during the week.. Sit through 2 test and finally when it's all done and over with.. I thought i could catch my breath for the rest of he evening and have a nice chat to catch up with what happened during the week before moving to the next task tomorrow but no.. you have to bombard me with the problem immediately. We decided both on FB and on MSN that we aren't going to have it .. cos we would rather spend the money getting u settled here than over dinner and be separated all over again.. what's the point then? So u said that i was to call ur dad.. ok fine.. but ur dad isnt in town.. so i'll wait till he comes back before talking to him. We can always hold it sometime in the future.. maybe next year or something when we have things more or less settled.. that was what we decided on.. but u get so worked up cos someone pressured u about it.. When i speak to u calmly, we decide things so easily.. but when u blow the matter out of proportion, no matter how i assure u that we are still on track with the issue, you would not listen.. u expect me to be some magician that makes things disappear.. if i could, i'll make myself disappear 1st.. I can do without the world I just happen to be here and i cant fucking do anything about it.. If ever i had a choice, I'd rather not been born .. never existed even in spirit.. Life is a curse.. It has never for once given me something good.. I try to please people and it just all comes shitting back on me.. everyone has a temper and a limit.. i can honestly say mine is very high.. and i can tolerate many things.. but every once in awhile, I need to rest.. I'm only human.. I feel stressed too.. I need a pat on my back sometimes and someone to tell me hey, you've been working very hard.. go rest and let me take over for awhile.. I'm not a pest and i try not to be in anyone's way.. i'm not a bad person.. but why does the world keep taking advantage of that.. must i be nasty so that people will give me some space? I never want to blow up.. never want to piss anyone off.. there is enough hate and anger in this world already.. but i need some space.. some assurance.. some support.. some love.. I keep myself away from friends cos they have no responsibilities.. but i do.. I cant act like a kid and i cant go around throwing things at people anymore.. so i need somewhere to vent.. My parents have disapproved of me.. my friends have abandoned me.. I just want some support for now.. someone to rest on just for an evening.. I just wanna break down for awhile and let someone catch me.. God.. i dont want redemption, I dont want forgiveness. I want a place i can rest my head for awhile.. before i be on my way again. That's all i ask.... please dad..I'm only human.. My burdens are heavy to bear and my body weary.. I feel like giving up..

2010-08-21T01:39:00.002+08:00

hey whasssup.. prolly just came back from work huh.. can smell u from over here.. haha.. anyway.. just to update you about what's going on.. I tried so many times with my chemistry quiz that i got full marks for both.. but bio and forensic science is struggling.. cos..need to read alot.. thought of taking up a few hobbies but dont know ur view... one is to build some mass.. which include weight gainers, and some weights.. cost price approx $200. this will help me gain some mass i feel like the ang mos here can snap me in half like a twig anytime.. so.. very vulnerable.. next there is social soccer available every friday evening at the gym.. maybe just but a pair of cheap street soccer shoes or something? a bit concerned if it's physical.. i dont want to be injured as well.. dont want to waste my time here cos of major injury.. next is tennis... not sure if it's a big thing here though.. but i'm craving my racket again.. with the good weather here, feel very tempted to play again.. also it does not have any physical contact and i'll be playing purely for leisure.. also have been considering learning the guitar.. since it's a indoor thing, and it cost around 70 dollars thats all.. so very tempted to learn this few things 1st.. also i need to convert my drivers licence to aussie's one soon.. haha i told my roomates that i cant park and they went like.. then how u pass one? lol.. yea.. anyway i'll be out to the library for the afternoon then to the recreational room for a movie and free dinner after that.. so will see u late..oh dinner comes before the movie and the movie starts at 830pm.. so will be quite late.. if u can, go see what u can do for ur hunter 1st or u can rest 1st then i can help u with ur hunter later.. then maybe we can do weekly together.. love you lots.. hope u rest well hugs and kisses.. love

2010-08-19T12:54:00.000+08:00

this world is such a cruel and lonely place..God knows..

2010-08-16T16:33:00.002+08:00

hungry.. tired.. defeated.. Those are the things i'm feeling now.. It feels like i failed in life.. i made too many mistakes that cannot be undone.. just finished dissection lab.. and i cut my finger while slicing a pigs kidney in 2.. i didn't even feel the blade hit my finger, i just kept slicing.. and next thing i knew was that there was blood.. more of it than there suppose to be.. removed my finger and the gloves were slit with blood oozing inside ..went to wash and band aided it.. but it felt numb and cold.. couldnt think at all today neither could i pay attention to anything.. sigh.. like a zombie through school..

2010-08-14T12:11:00.002+08:00

piled up in work but i can't concentrate on any.. kind of depressed and kind of sad.. there's no trust there's no love.. like the story said, to me, it doesn't matter how you look.. it matters more how you look at me.. but for the last 2 years, i never felt your adoring gaze. Every time you got mad at me when i was late from camp, i wished i never booked out.. people have an affair to cut out some part of their depressing lives to fill it up with a little fantasy.. a gas filled bubble of hope.. although it's just emptiness.. I've never had an affair.. never cheated.. never even thought of it.. but why do i feel like i have? where is the trust? have i not earned it? who have i even flirted with for the trust to go away? or was it not there in the 1st place? But it didnt matter.. I understood that your past wasn't the most pleasant one and i accommodated to that fear you had inside and stuck by your rules..It's a tough period for both of us.. we both know that. I'm not there.. and ur not here.. but i never loved you any less.. I try to encourage you everytime you are down.. but instead i get blamed for the situation and threatened for a divorce.. but i keep encouraging.. but every now and then, i need some too.. or to know that you are doing well at least.. everytime you remind me how at fault I am, I feel like i'm getting sentenced for a crime. but at least crime sentences only happen once.. I need someone who needs me.. not judge me.. humans make bad decisions and i made many.. but somehow, i hope u understand that i did not intend for them to happen.. sometimes i really dont wish to carry on anymore.. just leave here and let someone else carry my burdens.. when all intentions were good but were deemed ill.. it seems pointless fighting for something that no one else sees.. I have many questions for God.. which for some reason i feel like i'm chasing for answers like a loanshark chasing for an elusive debtor.. i one day may very well smear my blood at the pearlie gates just for Him to give me an answer.. Life is not easy. Much less with God. Faith has run dry. This soul is on his own and will be free one day. I will drop my sword and shield.. and surrender.

2010-08-13T21:12:00.001+08:00

hey.. it's friday the 13th! haha.. black day.. but what a boring day it is too.. again it rained almost the whole day.. so there it goes.. now i'm stuck in my room with nothing to do.. so bored.. i guess i'll go do my home work.. btw i borrowed a neuroscience book from the library for leisure reading.. cheers! Love

2010-08-11T22:06:00.003+08:00

Toda i find myself caught in the middle.. either mindless fun or fasinating knowledge.. namely, WoW or studies.. When i start studying, i cant stop.. the amount of knowledge is mind boggling. Like a dried sponge, my brain just cant stop absorbing.. but when i stop and start playing WoW, I just dont want to use my brains and even if i die i dont really care.. so what should i do? quit wow and focus on studying? or remain like this??

2010-08-10T23:54:00.003+08:00

Hi all.. it's my birthday today, not the best day to spend in class much less a foreign place with no family or close friends.. Doesn't help by the fact that no one realizes anything anyway.. School day was long.. it started at 9.30 and ended only at 5.30pm.. so yea.. i called boo to see if she was free to talk after class but she was quite busy with some cases.. thought i'd go over to jireh's place to check if pizza night was still on and it was.. so placed my order and went back to shower.. decided to clear today's random 1st while waiting.. after dinner, it was already about 9.13 around 20 mins more till boo knocks off.. so i waited until 9.40 and i thought that it was normal for her to stay a lil longer at work.. so i waited till 10.45 and i decided to text her.. but still no reply.. called and got the voice mail.. so i decided to ask Alson, Kc and the rest if they knew what she was up to and no news.. when she finally got on WoW at 1120, she said that she was on skype since 10pm waiting for me.. so i thought i'd finish what i was doing then talk to her.. but when i got back to her, she was already mad at me.. sigh.. all on my birthday..

2010-08-08T21:00:00.003+08:00

hi all.. once again.. Tell you one thing.. I cant wait for boo to come visit me in Aussieland. It's going to be an exciting week! I can't wait I can't wait! I know you might not feel so excited or as thrilled as me but I am totally psyched about it.. Also WOW has been quite fun again.. now that i'm more in rhythm with the school curriculum, I can spend more time exploring the wonderfully boring place called perth.. so i hope to see anyone who comes here for a visit! but especially boo.. Love.

2010-08-07T10:12:00.002+08:00

Life is short.. each of us only live and average of 80 years.. compared to the universe which is 13.75 ±0.17 billion years but why then do we not enjoy our existence? To seek justice? To seek peace? To seek redemption? Why do us mere mortals try to do the work of God when we do not hold the capacity and the wisdom for that job? and what do those things actually mean or of what value do they add to individual lives? Will any of those change the way you feel? will it make you contented? will it bring happiness? Today we admire super heroes for their ability to make a change in the world but look at all of them, which one is actually happy fighting crime? None. What they are looking for is not the complexity of battling the mob or putting a serial killer in prison, they seek the simplest things in life. Love, acceptance and normality. Many of us take these things for granted and will sacrifice them for nobility but they are only achieving foolishness. Our role on earth is a simple one.. one every other animal understands but us. It's to enjoy the work that was done. By God, nature and evolution. There is no higher purpose for us to seek for we were only made and equipped for this task. So just enjoy your life.. whatever it has turned out to be and however bad it may seem.. Don't waste time dwelling on the insignificant. Your life is yours and yours alone to control. where you go, who you marry and what you make out of it is entirely up to you. I chose you and you chose me. If you want to leave me it's your decision, just make sure you be happy.. I never chose to leave cos I was happy with you and stof.. even though we have our differences and stof doesn't like me but it was what made me, me. I hope you can find yourself a place where you are comfortable and at home in. For I will never find a place as welcoming and fit as perfectly as with you and stof. Love.

2010-08-05T19:50:00.002+08:00

sigh.. once again you are upset with me.. so today after leaving you at 1pm cos i got class to rush to, I went for class till 3.45pm. and after that went to buy a printer and got my bank account settled. thinking to myself, today was a good day since everything went according to plan. so i declined an offer to go shopping and went home to cook thinking after that i can spend some time with you.. but at 5.50pm, you called and just exploded at me cos i couldn't answer ur call when i was cooking but call you back instantly when my flatmate alerted me to it. my friend just told me she thought my laptop was alienware and apologized when she saw me on the phone. I wasn't even having a conversation, i said "no, it's lenovo" and left it at that.. i really don't know what's going on.. you want to talk to me but when i called u just hang up on me.. and when i'm talking to you i need to repeat 3 times and i wasn't even angry with you for not paying attention.. but whatever.. i am very sure i did not do anything wrong this time..

2010-08-02T17:58:00.002+08:00

hey there.. so today was the 1st day of school.. and crikey.. what a long day it was.. It started at 830am and ended at like 430pm.. had like a one hour lecture to start the day followed by a 2 hr break which i cook lunch with and after that, it was 1 hr of math lecture followed by 3 painful hours of lab.. and man is uni tough or what.. i just had ramen.. the instant kind.. and it's like 10 times hotter than the ones in singapore.. it's freaking spicy.. anyway.. cos i just got some of my books which were so so expensive, i have to go fill in the blanks for all the lessons today... just hope i can remember all of em. so thanks for reading and bye for now..

2010-08-01T14:36:00.001+08:00

On the 22nd of July 2010, I started my journey out of Singapore at 0720hrs as my flight was at 0940hrs. It was pouring heavily when my parents and i left the house. Luckily, we managed to reach the airport on time and some friends and family came to send me off to Perth, Australia for my 4 year undergraduate course. the flight went well although we did arrive slightly later than planned. We met Adrian, our airport pick-up guy who gave us some insights to the land and it's people. Later, we hurriedly checked in to my apartment, flat 132 and rushed off to Fremantle town hall to pick-up the keys for my parents' service apartment. As it was already pretty late, we headed to a nearby cafe to grab dinner and headed back to rest after that. From day 2 onwards, life here has been pretty much just trying to get used to it. It's a slow paced environment with nothing much to do and the cost of living is pretty steep compared to what i'm used to. The other major significance is the lack of tall buildings, they are normally no more than 4 floors high. It's pretty cold this time of year, temperature ranges are in the high single digits to the moderate teens. Coming from a country with temperate climate, I often find myself coping with the weather. Sometimes, i can't even feel my hands when i'm trying to write down my particulars during orientation. At this very point as I'm typing this blog post, the temperature outside is a 13.7 degree Celsius and 22.3 degree Celsius indoors. After spending 7 days here, I still feel like a holiday, probably cos my parents were here. Now that they have left for home, I'm somewhat feeling a little bit depressed. Probably also cos I just had a fight with my wife. I guess it's really important to have someone there to support especially during the initial stages of the transition. I ended up staying in my room watching The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy again with a bowl of instant noodles thinking to myself: "What is there in life to treasure? Cos you can't bring anything with you. Not even memories" Well.. there's an outing to caversham wildlife park tomorrow. I have no idea what time they set off for that so i'll see how things go.. sigh.. it's really not nice to know that the closest family is 2500miles or 5 months away.. and that the only person that you have ever opened up to is mad at you.. I really can't tell anyone how miserable it feels cos no one's listening anymore.. i'll stop here for today. hopefully

2010-07-31T22:22:00.003+08:00

Hi all, well if anyone other than boo that reads this, i'm in australia now.. perth doing 3 degrees.. yes 3.. kinda insane i know but 4 year : 3 degrees is better than 3 years : 1 degree right? so yea although being here without boo kinda sucks.. no one to hug or kiss and no one to cook for other than myself.. my parents left on friday so i'm pretty much here alone.. wow.. i didn't even realize that they were in a different continent until now.. went to the wildlife park today.. got to play with the kangaroos wombats and koalas.. the wombats stink.. took some nice photos and got have free lunch which is always good.. after that went to zion food fest to get dinner.. again no cooking is always good.. now back in my little room waiting for boo boo to give me the green light to call.. she's working the graveyard shift so yea.. pretty much done for today.. Miss u boo.. hope u eat well and come visit me soon! don't worry bout the air ticket.. I love u anyways.. love

chinese new year 2010

2010-02-15T11:29:00.002+08:00

hey guys.. so like every february it's like the best time of the month.. noted the increased trend of people delivering in year ends.. which means people have been busy about the start of the year.. and dont' play dumb with me.. im 21 even i know V-day's the cause of couples making love in the time of love.. that is a good thing.. FOR MARRIED COUPLES!! considering singapore's sexual gratification rate is at the all time low!! even vietnam and thailand has beat us to it!! but while singapore has steadily increased in that aspect.. might i remind you all.. PLEASE USE A CONDOM IF YOU'RE NOT MARRIED OR READY FOR A KID.. and if you're UNDER 18 : DONT HAVE SEX AT ALL!! and yes people people it is doable.. when our governers asked us to increase our fertility rate.. THEY WERE NOT TALKING TO UDERAGED KIDS!! WAIT YOUR TURN!! maybe when you're 18 OR married.. AND USE A CONDOM!! i'd really appreciate a decrease in unnecessary abortion rates.. unnecessary meaning unplanned, instable pregnancy.. aborting a life-threatening pregnancy or unhealthy one is acceptable.. to my perspectives that is.. it's sounds horrible.. but really if you know the foetus is unhealthy.. rather an early abortion than a ill-stricken child who would suffer in life..

please make wise choices this tiger year!! the year of the tiger might represent aggression.. but do not forget that the tiger also denotes wisdom and have impeccable abilities to remain cool and calm before the spring of attack.. so people people.. this lunar new year.. i bid you all health, wealth, wisdom and ability to remain calm in these troubled years..

this brings me to my next topic.. lunar new year.. i hate it.. despise it.. find it a waste of time.. but this year i decided to enjoy it.. go with the flow.. and you got it!! I ENJOYED IT!! reunion was fantastic.. except.. no prawns and no cousin lizzie.. which was sad.. it's gong gong's (refers to mama's papa) 80th anniversary..

Immaturity

2009-12-28T00:16:00.003+08:00

hey blog.. it's 11pm.. just came home from tim's place.. modern warfare 2 was awesome! really good game.. played 4 player deathmatch.. hella fun if u ask me.. anyways after all the working up of our appetite, we went for dinner/ lunch.. food was average.. but had to wait like a nigga or so tim says.. After sending tim off as he has to book back into camp, wifey and i made our way down to woodlands to get our phones, blackberry 9700 for her and Iphone 3gs for him.. Iphone rules everything else is shit.. but when we reached the service provider, they were so busy and so darf, they couldn't understand what wifey was saying and i didn't know i was suppose to step in for their darfness... they didnt have the blackberry.. Iphone FTW! so we had a fight when we were at the train station.. she says that I am suppose to step in and help her.. stupid retarded sales personnels will one day cause my death.. and so I happened to look at the lovely Iphone brochure and it said that there was an official sales office for the service provider at the next station, and so we got off.. and at least this sales office had some decent staff.. and they had the blackberry as well! BUT!, wifey didn't have her identification card! AND i needed my mom's Id as well as my current contract is under her name! so no phone for today.. SAD! Tomorrow i need to get my mom's id but she's being the irritant and not want to pass it to me and I had a fight with her over it.. so i'll try to get it again tomorrow.. but i doubt it'll happen

2009-12-24T01:10:00.002+08:00

hey it's just been 1 hour since Christmas eve.. My girl/wifey isn't feeling too well.. I can't say it's mid-life crisis cause we're just 20+.. We have barely even started to understand life.. but I can't really blame her.. she has some family problems and my parents don't really like her either.. Just as I am typing this, she called to inform me that her grandfather is not feeling to well and she is going to get her dad to drive her down to check.. Things like that piled up on one's shoulder can really be hard to cope.. tomorrow will be Christmas but i don't think she'll be in the merry mood everyone else is in.. I'm trying to cut her some slack but I don't know how or what I can do to help.. Maybe someone out there can offer some advice? I hope some kind soul will help restore the Christmas spirit back into her. And i don't really know what is this "hollar one" thing she does at the end of her blog but oh well.. I'm not gonna do it.. haha..

Later today i'll be heading to my aunts place for dinner/lunch or lunch/dinner either way, I'll get to eat lots of turkey.. I'll be spending the night over at my friend's warehouse.. wonder what it'll be like since I've never done anything like that before.. The missus will be at a lesbian rave.. (Don't Ask) .. Bye!

day before the day before christmas

2009-12-23T20:18:00.003+08:00

Today is the day before the day before christmas.. so.. yea.. I haven't bought any gifts and I have't prepared for Christmas.. but not like i celebrate it anyway.. Playing wow again.. they finally restored my account due to it being hacked while i was in bangkok.. prolly gonna watch planet 51 later.. will see how that goes and update here.. I did my uni research today only to find it really troublesome..The universities just can't get a standard way of displaying their info.. really wished they had a standard. it'll make life plenty easier for everyone..

hongcouver

2007-05-01T22:49:00.000+08:00

hey bloogie.. long time no see.. upon special request i shall blog. Er ok.. i'm in Toronto,CA. at the moment.. will be going to ottawa and montreal tomorrow.. and vancover in 4 days. It's been a fun couple of weeks.. flying 17000 miles and all... great experience.. the weather here is good.. no snow however. the food is great the people look great the coffee smells great. i really dont have much to say.. it's just a great place. you'll have to see it to believe it.. it's not really expensive to live here. oh yea i have a driving test on the monday when i get back and i'm going to ns on the 26th october.. so that's about all the news for today..

2006-12-22T00:09:00.000+08:00

day 2 over 48 hrs without you. My alarm went off at 630.. supposed to go over to bring my son to the loo so his bladder wont burst.. but i fell back to sleep and woke up at 822. so i packed my stuff really quickly and left at 832. when i got to my grilfriend's place, i decided since i've promised her i'll eat my 3 meals, i went to get breakfast for me and my son too.. i had fishball noodles.. actually just the noodles the fishballs and the fishcakes went to my son who ate it all up within 20 minutes.. I brought him to the loo right after that.. at first he refused to pee or do anything.. after a lil pursuation, he did his business.. well you could still sense that he misss his mom.. it'll become more apparent later on.. and since i also said i'd bring her dad's laptop for service, i said my goodbyes to my son and headed out.. I feel so crushed when his soft mews tugs at my heart pleading with me not to leave him. I just couldn't stay so i hugged him again and kissed him goodbye closing the door behind me immedieatly, I left her place at 935. I reached commonwealth MRT station at around 1030ish.. Settled the laptop issue only to find that it was 1050. thinking that it would be early,since i was suppose to meet my parents at suntec at 12.. 1hr10mins to travel.. not bad you might think? I think not.. cos it started raining and my parents werent out of the house yet..Thus I braved the weather and ran in the freezing cold shards of sky crystals to make it back to commonwealth all drenched.. what more could be worse.. I was in an unknown territory, all drenched and cold.. with my son at home alone and my girlfriend in a foreign country.. felt like the world threw me from warm and cozy to the middle of a battlefield in the amazon in freezing conditions..well. i still made it to suntec before 12.. but my parents were still home due to the rain.. i grabbed a nice hot cup of coffee at starbucks.. and sat there for nearly 40 mins playing my psp. when they arrrived, we headed for lunch then to the singapore garden exibition.. quite fun.. but not my style. then i hurried my parents back as my son was waiting for me at home for nearly 10hrs..i had to rush thru dinner and i took my stuff to see my son.. i played with him for around 1hr 15 mins.. then i had to rush off for my driving.. his mews were a little less painful this time..but it still manage to reach inside me.. i took a deep breath and locked the door.. After driving i went back to look for him.. his mews greeted me as usual.. but i could sense that he was looking for his mom instead.. he kept trying to go out the door so he could sit and wait for his mommy.. even as i tried to pull him back.. he resisted many times.. that glimmer of hope lingered in his eyes.. hoping that his mommy would take a step out of the corner and come home.. but knowing the fact that she wont just made my eyes go again.. how i wished that she would come back this very instant too.. I could almost hear my son ask "Daddy where's mommy?" every time he mews at me.. and he would go on and cry for his mommy.. But all i could do was to assure him that his mommy will be back soon and his daddy is always here for him..everytime he meows i'll check on him to make sure he's alright.. and i prayed over him and his mommy.with that I said my goodbyes and left. There's still 2 days to go at least.. till she comes back.. i havent had the time to do much of my assignments or driving.. for that matter.. i just pray that she comes back safe and sound. come back to your son and loving husband. Boo boo..

2006-12-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

You're gone again.. It's already a year since you've been gone for such a long time... For people who don't already know what in the world is going on here, well, it's simple.. here's how it goes.. At 10-11 am, my girlfriend left for malaysia, KL to be exact, leaving behind our less than a year old son with me. Thus leaving me with the responsibity of taking care of him alone. So when i went over at around 12, the overwhelming sense of emptyness basically overwhelmed me. The house was totally quiet except for kitty's little bell. That sight made me sad.. It's like he was abandoned. I hurriedly embraced him so that he knows he's loved. well as the day went on, everytime i opened the door, it reminded me that my girlfriend was not around. I admit that I felt free at first like i could breath easy, but i was infact suffocating.. suffocating in the lack of love, hugs and kisses which were never short of when she was around. well at least i was with my son. All he did was sleep all day.. so i decided to do some work then i realised i didn't have the neccessary programs. So i turned on the Tv and almost...almost call out for her to come join me. I immedieatly realised that void in the space beside me. For that moment, someone i usually take for granted has just disappeared. A tear leaked from the corner of my eye and it hit the couch with much sound. I didn't have much of a mood to eat until around 3pm when I made my way down to get some snacks and my lunch.. nasi lemak. I didnt have much left.. just 9 dollars and a couple of coins. Thus i had to ration what i had by buying the cheapest snacks.. and the least amount of sides for my nasi lemak just so my son could have a chicken wing. It gave me a smile watching him devour the meat i've plucked off the chicken for him. So as time passed .. i got a call from mom to ask me if i'm heading home for dinner which i did.. as i didnt have a choice.. It was either starve or head home for food. After dinner I had a bath then headed back to her place to watch our son again. He was much more awake than before. I brought him to the loo around 930 and 10 cos he didnt poop.. and i left at 1030.As I was leaving, I felt miserable.. My girlfriend left and now my son has to spend the night alone at home.. the whole family split up. thus as i was walking home.. i cant help it but tear continuously. Never have I missed someone in my life like that before.

2006-06-05T17:14:00.000+08:00

A Losing Battle

by Joyce C. Lock

Satan seduces with Sin.

Sin gives way to Hurt.

Hurt excuses Wounds.

Wounds give way to Hate.

Hate reduces to Evil.

Evil gives way to Battles.

Battles execute Death.

Death gives way to Repentance.

Repentance introduces Hope.

Hope gives way to Forgiving.

Forgiving introduces Healing.

Healing gives way to Faith.

Faith increases Peace.

Peace gives way to Contentment.

Contentment develops Love.

Love gives way to Happiness.

Happiness generates Fulfillment.

Fulfillment gives way to Joy.

Joy accentuates Victory.

Victory gives way to Sharing.

Sharing reproduces seed.

Multiplied seed reaches others.

You'd think Satan would learn,

You can't defeat God!

2006-05-11T15:53:00.000+08:00

another entry.... well life has been packed full of events recently for me... Work and school making up almost 80% of the activities. It's been busy at the club.. busy month with events and Poptart and NoiseInSingapore and oh so many more.... Tiring work.. it's like trying to move all your furniture out and into your house everyday.... but on the bright side, i get paid quite well for that.. and i get to buy lil' beloved plenty of nice things.. I just love it when she's happy.. so i shall go to work today and on saturday with an positive thought in mind.. I just hope i'm not too tired after it all to spend time with beloved without dozing off to dreamland... I sometimes get grouchy when i'm tired.. cos i feel that time that i could use sleeping is wasted.. so i say sorry to those i've offended.. and a larger apology to boo.. for having to deal with it every other day.. the next thing... school... it sucks.... i've completed my work but i'm still stuck here with nothing to do.. but my blog.. I don't understand the school.. and i've given up trying to understand it.. i'm just a passer-by.. i dont plan to be like a top scholar here.. like who the hell in america has ever heard of NYP anyway. I'm not talking anymore about the school or it's systems and policies as i deem it uttterly and completely pointless. Anyway enough of school.. recently i've been playing a game"Oblivion". I think it's one of the best games around right now... so does the reviews and friends that played it.. though demanding for the computer, it is truely unique and detailed towards how things are played.. there unlimited ways u could play the game with a mind boggling number of side quests to choose from.. and your world's details are randomly generated so you'll never see the same tree as your friend! how cool is that? well anymore speak of it and i shan't go for work today ...so go get yourself the game and battle on.. Blood donation.! the blood donation drive is coming to school.. I cant wait for that yakult straw to be shoved under my skin into one of my many veins to collect blood from me.. Every pint of blood counts.. it goes todwards saving a live.. so i hope people do actually donate .. you'll never know who's life you are saving... but if you are like boo, please ensure your up to weight to donate or else u might be turned away.. and if ur under 18.. parental consent is needed as well.. I have scary movie 4 !! boo.. let me know a date where we could watch it.. look it's 4.20 pm already.. 40 mins more before i go for dinner... before work.. i hope it's not so taxing today.. i should have slept more yesterday.. but how could i when i know i havent spent enough time with boo? i really wished we could take a break together.. like a short holiday or something.. work and school.. soon to be attachments.. are killing me.. i've gone about 2 sems without a break.. and this is around midway the 3rd.. i'll quit my job or take a break for around a month some time.. then i can spend it with boo.. i'll save up some cash so we can go on a holiday! Oh boo just called... needs me to settle some com stuff asap... can't wait to settle it for her.. oh that reminds me that i still owe her dad that cable for the lcd tv.. must remember to bring it over soon.. so i can get it over and done with.. oh yea.. i'm out of the tennis team already.. i missed the trials so i'm not in by default... sigh.. it's ok though.. not interested in it anyway... i would try to join sarah on tuesdays when she's having lessons as well.. but i doubt coach would allow that.. cos of my standard.. he would most probably not... oh well i should end my blog here today.. that should be enough to read.. while i'm gone for the night.. see ya boo.. I love you.. See you soon honey..

2006-04-20T13:10:00.000+08:00

Easter weekend passed a couple of a couple days ago.. hehe I fell ill last thursday.. common cold. nothing serious but still it warrants an M.C.. So i had a 4 day break( Thursday, good Friday, Saturday and easter Sunday) Mom took a day off on thursday to prep for their trip to korea.. Hope they have fun.. and as i was not too well, I slept most of the day with the beloved taking care of me.. drowning me in water.. and that horrid cough mixture.. but it was all part of her training as a student nurse i guess.. but it still tasted sweet and comforting nonetheless cos she spoon fed me.. It felt very comforting to have someone that actually bothers about your well being rather than your grades.. a first i've felt in my life.. which i guess greatly sped up my recovery process as well.. so in the evening, we went for a manicure.. yes.. a MANICURE.. the process of getting your nails done.. I was rather skeptical at the beginning but grew accustom to the idea of someone grooming your nails very rapidly.. and dare i say i enjoyed it very much.. and if you are assuming i didn't paint my nails but just did the grooming, your wrong.. my nails are black now.. haha.. not decaying but painted black.. and i simply adore it.. Thanks beloved.. that was thursday.. on friday my parents were doing their last ditch preparation for their trip across the globe that very night.. so i stayed home to clean up due to the short notice that the queen was visiting my place the next day.. My my.. my room became so much more inhabitable after that short 2 hrs express clean up.. I quickly washed up and headed to northpoint after that to exchange some SGD to WON.. skipped back home to deposit some ice cream in the fridge then had a very late lunch at macs then wait for dinner with my folks..saturday came quickly.. I made bacon and scrambled eggs for my sis and myself.. sorry princess.. i ran out of bacon so i made pasta for you.. we stayed home and played some com games.. and i was on my ps2.. and soon it was sunday.. went to church as usual.. and it was as enlightening as usual.. I simply love to listen to God's word being preached.. after a short day.. it was dinner with my sis at the cafe round the corner.. Buddy Hoagies.. what a way to spend a 4 day break.. Thank you princess for being in my life.. you are indeed special no matter what the others say.. you are beautiful beyond comprehension and you are definately touched by grace and splendour.. Praise the Lord.. for this wonderful creation.. we all shall stay in grace forever.. and all of GOD's children say.. AMEN!

2006-04-03T08:57:00.000+08:00

Yes yes.. I love my Princess.. my boo.. Saturday was our 3rd month anniversary but sadly, I had to go to work.. and so does boo. Therefore we decided to celebrate it on friday. She was having sakae sushi with the pleasure queenie meanie greenie hehe and I decided to head down right after school to meet up with her. I had dinner 3 tako balls to be exact cos she already had hers and I couldn't decide on anything to eat. Then we went to far east thinking that it was a quiet place to hang out. But the trip there was not in vain, she got me another bling. It's a belt buckle with the word PIMP. I loved it! Thanks honey for that one. It was only today that I learnt that blings were that expensive.. like a morton's meal expensive.. yea my boo's the greatest.. and i say she's the greatest not only for that.. but she's the only person I've known so far that will tolerate my nonsense.. yesterday, after 16 hours of work without sleep, i was in a rather grouchy mood.. but she simply left me alone.. during service i was really tired and i really wanted to sleep.. but after that, when we started walking, i was so excited that we were going shopping.. haha most guys hate to go shopping with their female counterparts but even how tired i was, shopping with her is really relaxing! so we shopped for 7 hours.. with just a lunch break. oh and did i mention that i passed on the Australian F1 race, soccer, sleep and gaming time. but that's all worth it.. I don't regret it one bit. During that 7 hours, I got her some stuff.. like a tube and a denim skirt.. so boo, i hope you like them.. and that tube, that's 7 hours of work right there. but the smile on your face.. when I got that tube for you is so precious, no amount of work could ever buy. so i re-iterate this point... It's all worth it. For you my boo.. anything. Anyway, HE will cover me so i don't have to worry, you don't have to worry at all.. i love you honey. Your the best.

2006-03-25T15:05:00.000+08:00

Hi people.. i feel like something's missing.. oh yea.. her. It's sat the 25th yea supposed to be having a movie date but something got in between so we rescheduled and held it yesterday. fun. It's strange how the weather seem to know it as well. It poured when i got in the shower..now i'm sitting in front of my laptop and the first thing that came to mind was "I'm missing you boo." yea oh well i hope your errand was something important. cos i feel like the world left me behind somehow. like i wasn't part of today's show or something.. My family left the home.. my boo has errands to run.. and me? I'm here without anything to do.. i can't even do something for people.. I would so much rather work for free right now Man today sucks.. and all i could do during the week was to look forward to today.. since i get only 2 free days in a week and 1 of it is taken up cos of church..so i only get today to actually have fun but what a let down.. i mean like man.. i look forward to 1 single day out of 7. and the world had to leave me behind today.. oh well i'll make the best of it and stay at home.. watch some tele and be bored. It's been a long time since.. hehe.. i just got a reply that i'm gonna meet my princess. so i better get going.. seems today maybe good for something afterall.. hehe.. peace out.

log

2006-03-22T15:57:00.000+08:00

Hey all.. I've not been blogging for some time now.. and my dear Princess reminded me of that fact.. Well.. to cut things short, major changes have been made and I personally feel that the changes were due as well.. First and the most important thing that happened is that i've accepted God.. My life is now golden.. and I soar among eagles. The second thing is that I , have found my princess.. She's the best.Simply. I miss her so much even right now while i'm typing this entry.. It'll be 1191 days more till you are free to do whatever you please and when that happens, i'll be right there with you. I promise you this, my princess. You are the girl of my dreams. The one that every fairytale has to have. But sorry other fairytales, this princess is staying in this fairytale with her prince and it shall end with a happily ever after! Bet on it! hehe. The third thing is that i just got my results back and it seems like i did pretty well.. so a pat on the back and that all for that. The forth thing is that I'm doing my Senior year project now.. and it's kinda boring now.. and i have to be in school form 830-6pm everyday unless i have a medical certification. yea so i'm grounded.. but with my baby and Daddy behind me, I'll pull through. Certainly. Alright now .. I have NAPFA training to attend now.. so see ya peeps.. leave a shout. Peace!

2006-02-04T15:13:00.000+08:00

An update of my current situation...

yesyes.. as people around me might know, it's a rather stressful time for us.. we have our projects, tests and exams to look forward to.. not forgetting the insignificant 10-- days of break before attachments.. yes, it sucks. Many thanks to The Princess, for putting more stress on me.. hehe.. good stress that is. And I promise I'll do what I told you over the phone that night.. but i just need to find that special you know that... so dont be surprised when i actually carry out my plan.. well, I really should get back to my project.. grr.. and I'm still waiting for a sms! come on already! GOD can u please send some angels to remind her or something..? Peace out! 143.

2006-01-23T23:16:00.000+08:00

Hey people... T is gonna be M.I.A for a period of time.. not sure how long myself. It's not just because I need to study for the exams or even because of The princess.. I just need time to adjust to the changes i've made and catch up on alot of things that I have forgotten about. These changes I've made, tiring and I'm feeling some cognitive dissonance.. thus I'm looking for some reassurance.. not for someone to account for or to take responsibility for the changes I've since made.. The rest of the information I shall not blog about since it's on a need to know basis only..My problems I have to deal with maybe on my own.. But I'll always be there for whoever needs me.... Still. Peace out.. One43 Princess Beloved.

Listen

2006-01-15T12:29:00.000+08:00

Listen to your parents

Yes people you should listen to your family members, no matter how distant they might be, if they have advice, just listen. As we all know, I live in singapore and I'm guessing the vast majority of a few people reading this blog does as well and we all know that people always love to have an opinion.. may they understand the situation or not doesn't matter, they will have an opinon on EVERYTHING. So the easiest way to get them off your back, is to listen to their opinions... but when I say listen, it literaly just means listen and it ends at pure listening..you don't have to actually do what they tell you. It works.. just give it a try and see.. Peace out! One43

2006-01-10T12:34:00.000+08:00

Why?

Why? I just can't understand... For 18 years of my life, I gave the world/society what they wanted, being the model student/son/member of society..but when i finally found someone I truly love, they have to go rob me of it.. Talk about ungrateful.. I don't really care what other people think.. but thanks alot for not supporting after what i've done so far.. really.. thank you .

2006-01-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

Hey blog.. hey guys reading the blog.... well am i suppose to be happy? I dont know if i am.. Just wanted to tell sarah, thanks foe giving me the chance to bring u out on a date.. and I'm glad u enjoyed yourself.. but somehow when u rated me "distinction-A*", don't get me wrong.. I'm glad i matched up to your standards and all.. espically when we all know u are a very hard girl to impress..I bet the guys would go berserk if u rated them an A*... but it doesn't make me feel anything at all..in actual fact, ... ... nevermind.. I'll just want to say a big thank you to sarah.. for spending your precious time with me..I enjoyed it quite much.. will study with ya next week k? I'm gonna hit the roads now.... Just f*** it with the world.. F*** you bastards.. dont ask .. just dont ask.. *punches the wall*

2006-01-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

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2006-01-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

NO! not that feeling again.. go back into your lair you demon! Don't you dare show your sickening face anywhere with light! For this is the soul you feed on and if it dies, so do you...parasite!

2006-01-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

5th jan.. started out rather well.. i managed to wake up to give someone a morning call on time.. and manage to get to her block on time... then sent her to school and we had breakfast.... but after that it pretty much sucked... 2 hrs of boring POA lecture.. followed by lunch .. i was already moody.. i guess due to me having a lack of sleep and it was going to be a long day.... So everyone asked if i'm alright or what happened.. haha I'm fine people.. just no energy to carry my happy self thats all.. so with my moody self i went to class acting like a jerk to the tutors.. but u have to admit whatever i said had meaning.. like if the entire class got something wrong, then the answer must definately not have been in the passage right? and it's a mission statement for heaven's sake.. it's not something i would miss easily.. anyway.. after that, i went for project lab.. with an even worser mood, only then i found out that she skipped class cos she didn't want me to be alone if i was released earlier... that's very sweet of you boo.. It made me feel so much better..and i promise... i would whatever i can if u ever needed me.... we then proceeded to purchase some junk food at various places and headed over to my place to watch some tv... UNTIL, my mom called and we somehow decided to eat with my mom! so we did.... I ate chilli! It practically exploded in my mouth.. but it was less intense as i expected.. since i only needed 1 cup of tea... with the chilli burning in my mouth, we went back to my place to get her stuff.. then, juan called.. he is leaving tomorrow.. i know how u feel juan.. both of u.. just take care man.. alright.. i'll be the shield for The princess.. don't you worry bout that.. i'll fight for her street credit.. anytime... well.. i should get going.. i'm real tired.. i can't even begin to tell you..then y am i even blogging? .. must u even ask?

2006-01-01T16:42:00.000+08:00

new years day... what a day... went for a bbq yesterday.. pulled luke along.. thought that i'd help someone out.. all went well ..Then the ride started..there and then..

Seemed like once i got home, I seemed to have bought another ticket for a roller coaster ride.. Sworn to secrecy ,I ended up the person that needed the help.. but once again, I'm left with walls.. so much for not letting anyone feel like that ever again.. I can't even help myself... But I've been doing this for 18 years.. this year , I guess, won't be much different. i just have to deal.. Luke if you are reading this, I wish u all the best.. hope you and your girl can see what u guys have... As for me, I think i'll just fade away.. Is there another way out ?

2005-12-27T22:38:00.001+08:00

Look to the left for the time..

I'm still keeping track of the time.. On the left column is how long you have left sg.. I guess it may look like I'm in desperate need of you..counting every millisecond... but don't get me wrong.. still,I do miss you ... but I'm bored so i decided to code the javascript from scratch..didn't take me more than 5 mins..anyway.. well today was spent rather well.. I took the entire day off from all the projects and went out with Irene... the "sort-of-date" went quite well.. It was real nice to catch up with a friend.. get to know what they have been doing all this while...moving on,well.. tomorrow you'll be back.. and I'll go over to pass you dino.. as much as I enjoy his company, he's still your kid... I'll try to go over immedieatly after tennis.. so that you can rest.. and with dino around, I bet you'll rest more soundly....Peace out.. One43 all and see you tomorrow!

2005-12-26T20:37:00.000+08:00

7915 mins /131 hrs

Hey ya.. today I was suppsoe to go for 2 uber good dates, but they're singaporean girls.. so naturally, they canceled.. their loss my gain.. more money to spend with The princess.. But i can't help but wonder why anyone would wanna miss out on a perfectly good date with a perfectly good gentleman, perfectly free of-charge, to have a absolutely splendid time? anyway I'm not regretting.. since I'm not the one loosing out..

The first and very first thing I did was to log on..something in my head went"Terence! go log on to msn NOW! Very Important!" so that's what i did and guess what.. The Princess was the first to talk to me... so whoever told me to log-on.. Thanks a mil.. moving on...the day passed rather slowly with me trying to complete my project once again.. I've decided to forget about the one i couldn't do.. and so I finished the one I could.. now, I'm down to one project.. yippe!

And I think I have to apologise yet again.. I broke another promise... I promised The Princess that I would be fine.. but ... from the previous posts, I guess you could tell that I was not.. but i shall stress WAS. I'm totally fine now.. ask riza! I crapped alot with him this afternoon.. haha really it was just saturated with alot of bull.. the chat I mean..then had chilli crabs for dinner! It rocked! woo! alright my mom's bugging me to take a bathe... and after that I shall sit down with my folks and have us a couple of ice wines..! woo ain''t my life just perfect ?! well better get going.. or else my mom would wanna go to bed.. then no wine! argh! Peace out ... one43 all! God Bless!

2005-12-26T11:27:00.000+08:00

7363 mins 122 hrs

Well... I've decided on the "F*** it all" attitude to approach things now.. Take one thing at a time, don't get all stressed up..anyway,so far the only thing that went wrong was a little test.. I guess everyone screws up one time or another right?.. ok.. so here's the plan..I'll seek help on my project with my mentor...and i shall take my job lightly.. It's just serving and some bartending only.. nothing serious... the people there are also the happy-go-lucky type...why was I so stressed up anyway? so stupid... haha better get back to coding the html pages oh and people please spend some time to remember and to pray for the people who lost their lives in the tsunami... peace out...one43!

day5

2005-12-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

6573 mins 109 hrs

I feel like I'm crumbling inside... maybe I'm suffering from mild depression... and It's not because of The princess.. I would say it's because of the changes I made to my life.. I don't know how to do my project...I feel stupid.. like I dont know enough to be 18... I'm getting a job soon... and everytime I think of it.. I think why am I even doing this.. sort of a lost/confused state I'm in right now... feel like crying... lost my appetite... I'm unsure of what I'm doing..Lost my confidence..Doesn't sound like the all so great Terence afterall huh... I just hope there's someone out there to guide and support me.. ARGH! Radiohead-creep is playing in the background...man peeps if u don't see me around.. Go to my void deck... I'll most prob be there.. WAIT...What kinda talk is that...ARGH! I'm just really unsure if what i'm doing is right...I've stepped out of my comfort zone.. I like what i see.. but I'm just unsure if I can handle it.. and to see younger people around me already stepping out and feeling at ease makes it worse... I'm a perfectionist by nature.. and I'm not achieving... so try to emphatize.. I've grown up all spoilt and I never had to work for much..I was so protected from the outside that I've forgotten how to survive.. thus the feeling... I need someone who will guide me through... I know there's god.. but that too is a recent change for me... I'd prefer someone real right now... I may sound weak and fragile, but as much as I try to hide it, the feeling inside gets worse.. I just need time and support to adjust i guess.. so people bear with me...and if you can offer some support I shall offer you my eternal gratitude.. peace out.. one43 all!

day5

2005-12-25T16:10:00.000+08:00

6209 mins or 103 hrs

Merry christmas to all! Woke up at 12 sharp to catch the show i mentioned in the previous entry...then had lunch at the cafe near my place around 1:30pm..now i'm taking a break from my project... so i dediced to blog again.. well... I spent most of my christmas this year on my project... but still haven't figure out how I should apporoach it..so i was thinking i should seek some help from my tutor.. What a way to spend christmas day.. I won't be having much fun if i were doing anything else anyway... so merry christmas, peace out and 0ne43 all!

day4

2005-12-25T04:44:00.000+08:00

5530 mins or 92 hrs

Merry christmas everyone... It's christmas morning! 4:55 am to be exact.why so early you ask? cos I promised to blog once i get back.. a promise is a promise... but i broke one today and i shall apologise later in the blog...anyway i was out clubbing... didn't have as much fun as i expected though.. Firstly, i was there with my sis.. and secondly, I still have to admit i kinda miss The Princess quite alot.. but I still took what ever fun that was there.. you may even see me working there one day... bartender? haha.. won't want to speculate...

I'm SO sorry my Princess... I promised to watch "A Blessed Christmas" and I didn't... I intended to record it and view it once i get back ... but to my dismay, Terence's stupidity struck again.. I set the video recorder in the afternoon... and I switched off the mains!!!! I only realised this when i called my mom at 10pm to check on it.. I'm really sorry... no matter how small a matter this is, It was a promise... and i broke it.. So I'm really really sorry.... an encore will be aired tomorrow at 12.. which i have set 2 alarms to remind me... so i'm crossing my fingers and praying hard I wake up on time and nothing screws up again... once again sorry ...

Is everyone around me getting smarter or am i getting stupid? I met this 2 people just now... man they are smart...like everything under the sun is in their minds.... and not forgeting The queen and The princess... my IQ is 128 and they told me that was above average... apparently, they forgot to mention that average was the minority! but God made it that way for a reason.. so i shall not complain bout it.. and i just read the "Who is Jesus" link from new creation church's website at http://www.newcreation.org.sg ... and if that were true( which i'm starting to believeit may be) Then he is THE greatest person ever to walk this land... but then again.. I think it's kinda cruel to just lay the sin and filth of the whole world, and the wrath and judgement of God upon Jesus like no other man has ever suffered or will ever suffer on one man or God.. but i guess that's what makes him all that... great..so a big thanks goes out to him... and I wish him a merry christmas! ...With that I shall go crash now.... Peace out ....one43;

2005-12-24T11:39:00.000+08:00

4497 mins or 74 hrs

heya.. woke up at 9am for breakfast with my parents.. got back and did some studying...haha on christmas eve.. I cannot help it ..this guilt within me ... the lil cricket from Pinocchio is bugging me again.. I just wished i could just drop it all and leave everything behind.. anyway enough talk bout the test.. that's the past now..

I'm gonna get my phone soon.. I got so sick and tired of deciding on one that I just asked my mom to choose one for me.. treat it as a surprise.. .. it's only a phone.. not going to be any one of my wives anyway... alright.. I'll be heading out to do some christmas shopping... then down to home club to PARTAY! celebrate christmas and look for kelvin to get the interview... pray i land the job.. so cya peeps soon!I'll blog once i get back... and if anyone of u homies reading this is free tonight u can just pop by home(www.homeclub.com.sg) and we'll have a ball!... remember to keep away from the 5-0's ........One43 and peace out!

day3

2005-12-24T00:31:00.000+08:00

63 hrs or 3830 mins

It's christmas eve morning .. 12:34 am.. I just had some alcohol.. feeling a lil better now.. the base feeling still stinks.. but i can sense i'm comming to terms with it.. no need to worry bout me.. I'll take care of myself.. and dino.. he's an important dinosaur right now... he's nice.. I bet your mama is thinking bout u everyday... like the way I do of her.. well.. i'll just have to live with it.. only 6 days to go anyway.. since around 3 days as passed already.. just hope ur having a blast! cos i'm certainly not.... and hopes sarah's having a ball of a time as well.. cos i'm, certainly not as well .. i'll try to rush my projects and assignments... before you come back.. oh daddy God please help me! T Out! ice...

2005-12-23T22:07:00.000+08:00

3685 mins or 61 hrs

I just flung a prac test... and within 5 mins of retrying, i got it..This feeling sucks.. I've been looking for myself for the past 2 weeks.. I'm unsure of where i'm going..don't get me wrong, It's not a bad thing.. Cos i didn't like my life before.. ..But i've realised that i have much less time to study or do my regular things like watching TV or playing some games... The projects are also piling up.. I think i have to cancel some of my dates next week.. to study and finish up the projects.. Gonna get an interview with kelvin of home tomorrow.. will see how it goes...

Right now, i just wished that i had someone to turn to.. for some support.. i'm so lost..and it's the eve of christmas eve.. no one should be feeling like that..I thought tis'the season to be jolly? I try to tell myself that this is only a prac test.. and there'll be more to come.. but failing is still failing... i just can't get my head round it.. I wished you were here,cos you would know what to do.. I'm just feeling really down.. Need some support.. my mom's lecturing my bout not concentrating on my studies.. and my dad is karaoking...now I just feel that if i died this instant, things would be much easier...only Now , i realise the importance of having someone you can fall back on.. Dino is in great hands...

Day2

2005-12-22T18:34:00.000+08:00

2036 mins or 34 hours..

yep it has already been over a day... but yet.. nearly everything reminds me of you....miracle, dino, milo, ordering a drink,my lecture notes, shampoo, contact lenses, milk, mints, lolli, candy, cookie, stairs, overhead bridges, taxis, billabong, cutie, the smses, snapple, my room, the phantom of the opera, sarah's blog, my dri fits shirts and so much more ...
Anyway today, I tossed a coin to decide if i should bring my denim.. the coin told me not to bring but i sure regretted the move.. It was freezing in the Lecure Theater.. and as soon as the lecturer finished the lecture, I was outta there and into FJ for fried rice.... and milo... then it was the super boring lecture which was ... super boring.. followed by 2 1/2 hours of lab.. then i went home..got some tang yuan at ntuc ..
I hate those a**holes at the coffee shop.. they tortured a crab by getting it to fight woith a cat.. but thank God ... for he made cats smart.. for the cat just turned and walked away.. haha! but the old foggies tormented the poor crab... man, If ya wanna eat it, i'll pay... just don't torture the poor soul PLEASE!
With that i went home and did some weights.. now i'm waiting for mom to get some dinner and then prepare the tang yuan... You are suppose to eat the tang yuan to be thankful that everyone's around for the past/following year or something like that..i guess...
It was kinda rainy the entire day... hope the weather's fine in manila and warmer in shanghai... my friends are over there.... but don'tyou 2 worry... your daddy will keep you warm and dry! well that's all that happened today.. will keep ya updated as much as possible.. peace out...

2005-12-22T00:21:00.000+08:00

It's 1221am ,56308383 milliseconds.. ARgh! dino dino... i miss ya mama! Live with it T! Live with it!

day 1

2005-12-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

51599542 milliseconds or 859 mins or 14 hrs .... since you've been gone

I wrote a java program to calculate the time.. haha call me mad ..but i'm just bored.. Spoke to Sarah just now on msn.. she seems to be enjoying herself.. Well today started at at 5.18 am when the princess smsed me.. man was i sleepy!.. i didn't even know what was going on.. the sms went back and forth and before i knew it..she left.. and I felt a void in my life.. haha not the first time though.. anyway this one's temporary.. i know it..haha so i went on to sleep till around 11.30am when i got up to put my first entry today.. before i could even try to type something, ritz called to ask me to get ready for tennis.. so I went for tennis.. on the train.. i sms someone while on the train .. and i saw someone at orchard.. so I decided to ask them both on a date next week.. so to let u people know..I'm packed full next week gals.. so if you dont mind , the rest of you could take a number and i'll get to you asap.. thanks..My buddies know my schedule.. I dont want to put it up on my blog dont wanna "show off".. but it is shit packed.. hint:5 dates.. where in the world would i find anymore free time.. anyhow, u guys would read bout it in due course.. but no matter how packed my schedule is, I still miss The princess to bits.. so if The Princess ever reads this entry, you'll know how i feel...and no one could ever replace you EVER!

Day 1

2005-12-21T11:29:00.000+08:00

Only 2 hr++ since you've left ... I'm missing your presence .... Riza just called to rush me out for tennis.. i guess it's a good thing.. gtg .. i'll blog as often as possible ..

2005-12-16T00:56:00.000+08:00

I really feel like crap now.. My stomach went on strike an hour ago when i downed an entire block of chocolate cos Germaine wanted me to...Something i've learnt from her was to never to say something u would not be able to do.. so i had to do it.. Anyway, I took her out to jack's place for a candlelight dinner tonight..I wanted her to have a good time since she's leaving for a holiday... she being her usual self made me decide her dinner.. so i did.. i got her a flame steak.. it literaly was served in flames... the entire place just stared.. Now that's fit for THIS Princess.. After that, we went to walk around looking at stuffed animals.. when her dad rang her up.. she got it bad.. Just standing there, I could feel the way she felt.. cos I had that before.. so when she cried, i knew what needed to be done...just asked myself what did i want when i got s*** like that.. and i never had a friend around...so I never want my friends to be alone when they get stuff like that.. so Germaine, I'll be there no matter what.. especially for you.. U dont deserve the s*** that u get girl.. I feel u girl...so well after some consoling, i managed to get her to smile abit.. She's so pretty when she smiles.. then i decided that since she already got some from her parents, i dont want her sisters to give her anymore s*** thus i decided to get them some chocolate.. never hurts to have an ally at home..much less 2.. So girls, if u are reading this.. help me take care of ur jie jie at home please.. next time this korkor get u gals more chocolate k?Thx.. With that.. we cabbed back to her place before her mom returned..and i walked home slowly trying to down as much chocolate i can.. But at the end, I wanna thank Germaine. This girl has shown me the world.. She's really pretty.. and always smell real nice... I wanna thank her for giving me the 2nd best time of my 18 yr life so far.. the best was the moment i was born of cos... And don't sell me.. i'm not this nice to everyone... only u.. and u should know why.. ever since the day i started liking u.. the water tasted sweeter..and life's much brighter... i know that i'm not the kind of guy u want... in fact i'm not even near that..much less be able to be dating u... and u have so many other suitors... but i wanna thank u again.. for giving me a chance.. this chance.. i'll never forget it for the rest of my life...I'll never forget you for the rest of my life...that's a promise and Promise me u take care of urself when i'm not around.. and come back from ur holiday unhurt.. I'll be missing you..love.

2005-12-10T10:21:00.001+08:00

It's 1023 on a saturday morning and i'm waiting for confirmation on the outing later.. Sitting in my brown swivel chair I just can't help but wonder what what the world is like today...The world is a very big place and holds many people.. from all walks of life, different races, different religons, different believes,different language etc.. But no matter how different we maybe, there is still one factor that links us all up..That is, being human.. The human race is vastly different from our animal counterparts. Our ability to think ,care,feel and love.. is what sets us apart from the rest of the animal world. We are the only species of animal given the ability to take care of all the other species on earth.. Don't say that we didn't choose to be special.. cos the animals who are preyed upon each day and second didn't choose to be weak and defensiveless either... So why are we fighting ourselves? power and money? Is that really important? We dont even have to make the world a better place.. he has already done it for us! all we need to do is just not destroy it.The world can be a better place... only if we put aside our differences and embrace the power given to us.. only then, we can all feel what heaven is like right here on earth...

2005-12-10T10:21:00.000+08:00

2005-12-09T17:21:00.000+08:00

I just wanna say a big thank you to the princess.. thanks for being there when i needed it...and yes i do thank God for things.. i'm not ungrateful..

2005-12-08T17:18:00.000+08:00

well.. the day after.. yesterday.. i don't feel like doing anything right now.. just plain tired.. blasting creed's One last breath.. at the moment.. so yea.. that pretty sums up everything.. And dont worry i'm fine.. i cannot explain how i feel.. mixed... worse than anything served at zouk..

2005-12-07T22:45:00.000+08:00

okay, it's time for an update.. cos sarah said so. And since her majesty has requested for a update, an update there shall be. so what happened today? let's see... the first half of the day was pretty routine. With my alarm going off at 8 am, taking the train at 0830hrs, attending class at 0900 hrs. Until tea break... when her majesty showed up with a friend which, in personal opinion, was pretty cool and pretty pretty with the accent and all. Although some may beg to differ. Then it was boring POA and after that, HCI,which i skipped 1/4 way due to a sports tournament held at the tertiary level called the IVP(Dont know what it stands for). Anyway it started out slowly with with people coming in late and minor glitches all over the place. Then the queen came down again with that very nice and friendly friend of hers. Then the matches began. (without going into detail) Nyp was brushed aside like dust. With only one match resulting in a win. so as we left the place called nyp a.k.a school, we went to celebrate cara's birthday at the esplanade with alot of unhealthy food. Like $4 worth of char kway tiao.After a tiny birthday ritual(candle blowing and cake cutting). Then after that , we sat around and bitch bout the tourny and other stuff. That's all for the day. I reached home at 12+. Re-posted for the princess..

2005-11-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

er.. should have just kept my big mouth shut.. Lesson learnt.. huge tuition fee to repay now.. anyway.. i missed the first class today and attended the second one. Many thanks to YJ for accompanying me for lunch.. though i would prefer the next time it would be an opposite gender.. but wth.. i'm not that lucky.. i'll make lemonade with whateva lemons life brings.. then it was regular IVP day which was rather odinary.. i'm kinda lazy to continue bout details.. anyway who would wanna know right? other than those few people reading my blog no one actually bothers bout me anyway.. ha..

2005-11-25T17:35:00.000+08:00

Hey people.. Yesterday was a rather good day but it was rather spoilt by me forgetting that it was freaking Thanksgiving. Since i forgot it was yesterday, i shall do it today. I'm thankful for the great stuff that happens to me, thankful for the great friends that I have, thankful for the people that i've met, thankful to have my parents and sister, thankful for my house/my home, my room and my roof, thankful to have my stuffed animals to have and to hold to shout and to cry, thankful for the many physical items that have been bestowed upon me, thankful for the peace and tranquility that surrounds me, thankful for the trust and believe given to me and last but not least I am thankful to god for the entire year.

2005-11-24T16:21:00.000+08:00

Finally someone up there remembered to turn down the air conditioning.. Thank you... so today was a good day for me.. the weather was fine and the day passed much rather without a hitch..

2005-11-23T16:16:00.000+08:00

It's 12:16am on a cold cold day.I'm sitting here with some comfort food, my blanky, my stuffed animal and my laptop. What more can i ask? I just love comfort food.. it's comforting to have.. and dang my sis has to come back at this hour.. just when i thought i could have some peace...gr... hm... i shall seek peace in my mind now with my little bunny and kitty.. haha alrights then.. good night reader...

2005-11-15T00:56:00.001+08:00

2005-11-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

2005-10-09T17:11:00.000+08:00

I've found new hope... for 18 years of my life, i thought that my ideal girlfriend was just a pigment of my imagination. Today, i've seen it for myself that there is actually such a person , or 2 people, around that actually fits the bill and more... Why settle for anything else I told myself... so I ain't going to settle for anything else.. And I have finally understood a fact... girls in sg, 99.99999999% rate as "cannot make it".Yea i'm serious.. if you dont believe me, i'll people watch with you... then u'll decide. (if you ain;'t happy with that fact, it's your problem not mine)

2005-10-05T14:59:00.000+08:00

Today I finally understand why i cannot accomplish big things...The problem is rather simple but the cure is complex. The reason, is that I lack something we call faith or confidence or believe or whatever you choose to call it.. From a simple game, such a lesson I've learnt. At the crucial moment, I did not have enough faith, after the long hard battle I've lost.Why this lack of believe? I have no clue. How to overcome this obstacle? I have no clue. Am I going to try to solve this problem? I don't know where to start. I've found the lock but not the key. The secrets within, i am unable to see.. rumour says it holds the world, but the truth? It's a whirl.What i seek it's not crazy. It's just "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" Lame. Out.

2005-09-29T16:58:00.000+08:00

More recently, I realised that Tv programs were containing more facts then usual. Look at CSI, House and the likes. This aroused my curiousity. I kept wondering if all or any information provided on these kind of programs ever true? So since i was very free today, I decided to turn on the Tv and make mental notes on facts provided. I remembered one in particular from the show House.It was on a disease called Sleeping Sickness or medically known as African trypanosomiasis. This disease causes daytime slumber and nighttime insomnia.Fatal if left untreated. Upon reading the medical material from www.emedicine.com and en.wikipedia.org I've realised that the Tv version of the disease was a little off track. Although not totally wrong, I feel that it is "off" enough to be considered wrong. But since this is only one case, I cannot conclude that Tv programs provide false or unreliable information. That will have to wait till I watch more programs and do more research. But I think i can safely say those info on national geographic and discovery channel are almost 99% right. But for dramas, I think it'll be about 40% . Comments? cheers.

2005-09-28T17:27:00.000+08:00

Alright. Another post before man u plays benfica. omg. believe it or not, i cannot think of a topic today. i rewrote this blog several times already and all of those erased have lacked importance and i'm not obliged to put something up.And if i feel it's not worth my read, i dont think anyone wants to read it then..so that's all for today's blog and if u wanna give ur opinion or hear my opinion about a topic/problem you have, feel free to either tag or msg me on msn (pebblebug@hotmail.com) and i'll try me best to give you something interesting. Sry again for no topic today!

2005-09-27T16:16:00.000+08:00

no post for today.. apprently blogger screwed up and when i clicked the publish post button, they ask me to sign in agin... so F*** this shit and blame blogger not me!

2005-09-26T13:33:00.000+08:00

Holidays are here and so am I, with a new skin. I've scoured the entire internet for an image that describes me and I end up wasting my time realizing that there isn't one around.. So I've decided to use the next best thing These colors and their tones are my favorite few. According to the area they cover on this screen is their "rank". Black represents a supporting role that I always play hence it's the bgcolor. Green represents many things like "Go" at traffic lights thus the enthusiasm , money and that darn hard to get pair of AF1s too.White is neccessity as it is everywhere. Enough about my boring colors. The layout was planned to be simple.. I personally feel that the 2 objects I placed on my blog are the 2 mostly use things thus for-going the rest.Enough of explaning, I think u have better things to do.. so run along now.. times are wasting and dofeel free to give your opinions on the tag-board and I'll feel free to delete any ones I don't like. cheers!

2005-07-23T00:13:00.000+08:00

Last day of school for the term...elated that we have a week break and the class is planning a chalet again, disappointed that it will only last one week , the exams are after that and we have some work to do. But that can all wait.. i live day by day.... so let's recall what happened today. The class went to marché for lunch. was pretty exciting until those little pesky kids in their school uniform showed up..but then, suddenly between our sides and desserts, the whole place was pretty empty.The gals decided to go shopping ... and then the inevitable happened... u people like to play with fire.... let's see who get's burnt. Not that I mind what u all did... but must we really have acted that way? Special mention to Mr.TK and Mr. YJ... Then it was off to cine for some gaming to avoid a confrontation which was... fun... but here comes the fun stuff... we saw someone very very good looking.. almost super nova.... although she's not a super model beauty queen kinda person.. but she's hot.. 10 points 10 points....I was thinking about the defination about beauty: The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality. Spot on. Spot on. nothing much after..haha what an anti-climatic ending.. oh and by the way,I do not like her in the sense you all are thinking! Irritating bastards! heehee.cheers

2005-07-19T17:37:00.000+08:00

Okay... everybody will reach a stage in their life when they will ask themselves "what's next?"for people like me, i know what's next.. but when i look back and seen all the rough times the tough journey and i don't feel like moving forward...because i know how tough and tiring it is going to be. Then i'll ask myself another question,"is it worth that much effort?" the answer is usually "no". Sometimes i feel that i'm a very complicated soul.. so much to the extent i wish i could give my brain away to somebody else or live life carefreely, travel the world and see the sights till i die. I'm am never contented with what i have.. not materialistically but more of mentally. So, i set a goal... like"i am going to understand this" and when i accomplish it, i feel rather lost like i have nothing. I know that there are many things out there to understand but the idea of having to do everything all over again really puts me off. Then I will have to chill for a preiod of time to piortize, summarize my life and decide where to go next. This transition is very taxing emotionally... because when u summarize a person's life, you'll get to see all the good and the bad in an instant and when you have to decide where to go, you'll realise all the opportunities that you have missed and those cannot be completed. But i think that this step is part of being a better person. To reflect,analyze, plan and decide. The more times a person has to go through these steps means that the number of things accomplished has been increased. It's a tough transition but will it lead to perfection?

2005-07-17T17:03:00.001+08:00

People say I'm Evil, I agree! So for all the posers out there who are trying to be evil, lemme give ya'll 10 tips from my latest edition of Evil lessons 101. 1.Evil is Good! 2. Doing Evil to dumb people is not good. It's just plain dumb. 3. Doing Evil to smart people is also not good.It's just trying to be smart. 4. Evil * Evil does not make worse, since being evil is only an idea, there is no way of measuring. 5.Acting bad does not make you an evil person, It makes you a poser.Wannabe! 6. Good morals help you be a Evil person.So listen to your parents! 7.Do not blame/credit anyone for your evilness, it's borned. 8.Don't do evil to helpless creatures or people.That's just cruel. 9.Listen to your parents. 10.Dont do drugs! I sincerely hope this helps all you evil people out there. Now scram... and spread some evil! cheers!

Update

2005-07-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

Back with more philosophy! this entry maybe offensive to some so viewer discretion is adviced! Anyway this is just a personal view. Love is the greatest injustice on earth, as there is no equal. I had just witness a break-up this afternoon and it is such a sad scene. There is no equal love... someone will definately love the other more thus love requires a balancing act so fine it'll be almost impossible or just a whole lot of tolerance... but hey ask yourself this, you can bear it for today and for tomorrow maybe...but how long can one withstand? Think about it...

2005-06-11T14:01:00.000+08:00

Buzy lately, thus the low post rate.... but i assure all readers that i will briefly update all on the latest information... The week is alright nothing much happened except for super duper long breaks the longest in NYP history only... erm... nothing much else... people came and chat with me... i went to chat wif people...then i saw her, Miss khatib Macdonald breakfast! Oh dear... where have you been! None of my bees wax anyway... Then i got some shade in the form of a dartboard.. Then.....Who wanna go for coffee?

2005-06-02T02:30:00.000+08:00

Sistic finally has placed good charlotte's concert on their map! Who want's to go??????? Anyway, school has started.... sobz. wtd... Happiness is not a guarantee!

2005-05-30T01:45:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the start of the school term.Another semester begins.. But endings and beginings are just part of life.Accept what you cannot change. But beginings bring hope to all... new aspirations work is a journey to success no other way about it. Anyway on a brighter note,today marks the first full month of my cousin daughter, she's not very large for a 1 month old baby. Anyway, the celebrations took place at balam rd somewhere at macpherson i think, cos i saw macpherson sec, but i keep hearing aljunied MRT station... I'm clueless about the locations in singapore, at first i thought it was at thompson or maybe serangoon or something. Can anyone please enlighten me, where is balam road located?Anyway the going to the place, i felt like i traveled back in time, man that estate is old, according to the taxi driver, it's one of the oldest with rusty fences to the lack of proper organisation of buildings.Love the pace around there. The old skool feel is like retro man... Sweet.... I think it'll be a excellent for my cousin'z daughter to grow up in and life is just so werid...

2005-05-28T02:58:00.000+08:00

Went to queensway today, finally i get to go out of my house. Someone complained about the music on the blog so i shall remove it. Nothing new at queensway. I still can't find the clover dunks i want. And 1 more thing , if anyone is intrested in knowing why people want to intentionally hurt themselves, go look for the movie "fight club" it's M18 or R21 not sure which, but i warn all shallow minded, immature, lazy to think, watch only for brad pitt and can't be bothered people to stay away from the movie, you won't understand and you will feel like you've just wasted 2 hrs of your life after the movie.But for the others, you'll realise something about yourself and life. I think it's one of the best or else the best movie i've watched.

2005-05-27T01:18:00.000+08:00

Nothing really much happened today cos i slept at 0530hr and woke up at 1400hr. Not alot of time left.. I'm trying to sleep eatly today so that i'll back in tune to the school clock when school re-opens.. All the modules this sem are com based, that means no extra complex comm skills, mad maths and marfan marketing. God bless! Tomorrow will be my last day of boredom so if anyone would like to pester me, tomorrow would be a good day! Enough of tomorrow, now some today. Today seem like judgement day, Champions league final and american idol final what up with all the finals? Liverpool won a thrilling penalty and carrie underwood won the american idol. Both don't concern me but it affects the people around me.......hm...haha i was just wondering what people, i was at home alone the whole day! so it dosen't matter at all.. now just hoping i have someone or something to pester or do(respectively) tomorrow. and for people who don't know me, i do go shopping, eating, excercizing , movie watching, coffee drinking and enjoying myself... i'm not that nerd sitting infront of the computer all day and know of nothing else in the world but game. thx.

2005-05-24T17:14:00.000+08:00

Just did a small personailty test and here's the result, don't mind the fruit. MANGO A mango lover is a personality to be reckoned with, quite often are a person who has quite fixed ideas, and influencing you is not an easy task. You tend to be an extremist with strong likes and dislikes, and times even like to control asituation. You enjoy getting involved in something that presents mental challenge. Strong as you may be, you are like a kitten when you are with your partner.You accommodate the love of your life, andmake up for all the strong will elsewhere! True? I think the front part is. As for the relationship part? I think i have to get a partner before anybody really knows. but i reckon it's pretty spot on. okays.. i'll admit it is a little awkward for me to do such tests... but what else could i possibly do? My phone is practically useless... no one ever contacts me,'Dont even bother about ppl asking me out. This boredom shall end when school starts. i'm actually looking forward to school! cool. My tag board seems to be a little quiet, wonder who's reading my blog... leave a tag. And if you feel the need to be shy, use a anonymous name.

2005-05-23T18:18:00.000+08:00

Been learning the bass for green day's longview the past few days... the bass line kicks ass... haven't quite mastered it yet though. Anyway go have a listen...

I GOT NO MOTIVATION

WHERE IS MY MOTIVATION

NO TIME FOR THE MOTIVATION

SMOKING MY INSPIRATION

Bite my lip and close my eyes Take me away to paradise I'm so damn bored I'm going BLIND!!! And loneliness has to suffice Bite my lip and close my eyes I was slipping away to paradise Some say,"Quit or I'll go BLIND." But it's just a myth

2005-05-22T15:46:00.000+08:00

Does anybody own a rocket i can hire? and the route to mars? The need is dire. What i would give to live alone. This world is to complicated, too hard to comprehend. Heaven or hell? Your choice.

2005-05-21T17:15:00.000+08:00

Sigh. What a bad day i've had. I only can hope tomorrow can be better. Nothing else to add.

2005-05-21T01:49:00.000+08:00

Nothing much today, went to get my hair done. Met shaun at the mrt, still as charming as eva... go shaun! Haha... Spent around 2hrs at the salon.. and i'm lovin' my straight hair..... Can't stand the frizzy hair anymore... I can't believe I'm so vain. .. But everything else is still as boring as ever, playing my bass... still got alot to learn.. and It's just strange..

2005-05-20T14:59:00.000+08:00

Hm... does it really matter who I am? Cos I am who I am and Who I am you do not need to know... kidding... nvm.. Does it really matter? I've been living 17+ years without anybody bothering... and i shall apologise again, I do not mean to be ignorant to others,it's just that i've been left alone for too long to suddenly re-enter the human relm and interact like i've never left. I am however not using that as an excuse. I'm trying hard to speak up, express myself and empathize with fellow race members. I guess I need alot of guidance so I welcome anybody who's willing to help. I'm tired being that shady character ..it's quite boring actually.. :)

2005-05-18T05:50:00.000+08:00

Parents spoil kids... from young they manage to get so much attention such that when they grow up, they think that the universe revolves around them. Disregarding disrespecting people they become. Not to say that it is the parent's fault for taking care of their child, but there must be a balance where the child have to do something on their own. Otherwise, they will have no idea how life is and when they grow up, they will have to learn about it so quickly they will be overwhelmed by the immense load. Somethings we can only learn when we are independent and when parents do all these things for their child, it is not called love, it's called robbery. robbing them of experience and the chance to learn. I'm not telling parents to let their kid out late at night to get robbed or raped, those things cannot be learnt the hard way. But things like falling down, getting cut and managing money. This are inportant skills in life. Therefore, i recommend parents to take time and figure out what's right for your child's age to learn. you are old enough to think about it.

2005-05-17T14:27:00.000+08:00

Long ago

Just like the hearse you died to get in again

We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate

The lives of everyone you knew

And what's the worst to take, from every heart you break (heart you break)

And like a blade you sting

Well I've been holding on tonight [Chorus]

What's the worst that I could say?

Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight Came a time

When every star fall brought you to tears again

We are the very heart you sold

And what's the worst you take, from every heart you break

And like a blade you sting

Well I've been holding on tonight [Chorus]

What's the worst that I could say?

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

Well if you carry on this way

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long not goodnight

Can you hear me?

Are you near me?

Can we pretend

To leave, and then,we'll meet again,

When both our cars collide?

[Chorus]What's the worst that I could say?

Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight Well if you carry on this way

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

Let me out!

2005-05-14T13:52:00.000+08:00

Let me out! The train is so packed and she had to stand right behind me. well... it only lasted for one stop so it doesn't really matter. Other than that, basketball was tiring not due to the sport . it was mainly due to the heat. have to play ball again tomorrow bright and early at 8....50...something.... Are people nowadays GM? genetically modified. why are they getting Vertically /horizontally/mentally/physically or just plain generally challenged? Have you ever wondered what those GM food are doing to our bodies? look at how many fat people there were and how many there is now? How many slimming pills are out on our market today? The cry for help is drowned by our personal gain. why can't people just eat healthly?

To end this post, a quote from the papers,

"How can beauty and intelligence be in the same women? Intelligence is

just God's compensation to ugly women."

wed-thur

2005-05-12T15:34:00.000+08:00

Today is no different from any other day I lived. Everything was the same. Not much thinking today. Seeing one side of the wall may not be a bad thing.. I'd rather not have something than to have something and lose it. I guess having living without support for 17+ years has only made me better as i can honestly say i can live without being protected.

tues &wed

2005-05-11T15:58:00.000+08:00

Well it's 12:58 am so i shall consider this tuesday's and wednesday's blog entry. Today, i found myself listening to some cantonese song which i have no clue to what the lyrics is about... but i just find it very nice. i think the song title is hao xin fen shou correct me if i'm worng. another song is wu ting... what's with the china today? i have no clue. those songs are relatively nice but not my usual cup of frap i must say. Today i'm going shoe hunting at qw shopping center hoping to find something nice. hopefully... the shoe market here is really Slow! then off to ikea to maybe get some cloth for the table, then maybe a movie after. well that's the plan. Since it's already pass midnight, i shall refer to tuesday as yesterday. Yesterday, went to collect o's cert. Then for the rest of the day, i was thinking. what else do can i do but think? boring eh? hell yea when you can only ponder over something that has already been decided(check previous entry). My life has come to a stage where nothing really matters... whether i die tomorrow whether i have that new mouse whether i have that bag whether i have alot money... it doesn't really matter much to me anymore.. i have no clue why but i find those things unimportant or somewhat insignificant. obtaining these physical goods doesn't seem as important to me as before. what i seek is something higher but i just can't put a finger on it or else i'll be all over it by this time.. what is lacking? what do i seek? haha i'm not sure.. might u have any ideas? leave a tag......... EDITED: Bleah! i forgot the main song! haha keep this edit short i shall just have the lyrics Incomplete Empty spaces fill me up with holes Distant faces with no place left to go Without you within me I can't find no rest Where I'm going is anybody's guess I've tried to go on like I never knew you I'm awake but my world is half asleep I pray for this heart to be unbroken But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete Voices tell me I should carry on But I am swimming in an ocean all alone Baby, my babyIt's written on your face You still wonder if we made a big mistake I've tried to go on like I never knew you I'm awake but my world is half asleep I pray for this heart to be unbroken But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go I don't wanna make you face this world alone I wanna let you go (alone) I've tried to go on like I never knew you I'm awake but my world is half asleep I pray for this heart to be unbroken But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete Incomplete cheers.

sry for the long blog.

Tour

2005-05-09T20:37:00.000+08:00

I'm finally back from KL. A very fine city i must say, everything is comparable to singapore standards.Believe it or not, their toilets are cleaner than ours! Singapore must rethink it's strategy to stay ahead. Well enough of politics. The holiday i took was more of a tour through my head rather than a tour of KL. Alot of things set me thinking, like what kind of objectives should someone have, here ,we have seen having alot of "to be no.1" objectives but the twin towers weren't build to be a no.1, it was rather build so that malaysians can have something to look up to. I think that's a better goal than being no.1. Trains are not fun. 6hrs to get to KL and 9 hrs15 mins back not including delays which would add up to 7hrs to and 12 hrs 30mins fro. Well, i am a thinking person, so , i thought over and over over certain "things" and came to a conclusion that thigs that are not ment to be shall not be ment. confusing? well, simply put, things that are not suppose to be won't be forced. Things would be much easier this way don't you think? rather I hold everything inside than making a big fuss concerning so many people right? so with that said, i have decided to carry on as if i never knew. So many a times, things have blown over thus this one shall be no different. It shall pass as a memory , a pigment of our imagination. Things shall go back to where it was . The head rules the heart again. HaHA... Cheers.........

Libras

2005-05-04T09:20:00.000+08:00

off to kl early next morn..... i wonder what hidden treasures kl has.... results are also coming out tomorrow morn... i wonder what "hidden "treasures it contain... enough of the agenda... Ever wonder what kind of person suits u best? ever seen people with the same features and something in your brain goes... click. yea.. those features can be weird... like muscular... hairy ... or even... disgusting... people are attracted to other people with certain of such features. For me, i think those features are tall librans... no ... not librarians ... but librans ,people borned between September 24 to October 23 ,and are above 170cm.. dun ask me why... it's just like that..... and i don't even know their birthdays when i meet them... when i have this strange feeling, i just know ur a libran...so, peeps what ae the features u guys are looking for, maybe i might just know someone... cheers...

Day 4

2005-05-01T16:23:00.000+08:00

hm... today was a long day....thinking about one of life's simplest question. I dedicated most of my life to making sure i can answer many of life's questions but today I realized that no such preparation was enough.. Baffled by life's question, i understood that life has many questions that cannot be answered. no possible answer given by anyone would be adequate. Life's simplest questions are the hardest... far more difficult than any mathematical equation , scientific theory and computer logic put together... I realised that despite all the preparation i made, i still have the worst answers .. failing almost every single test that life has brought forth...and btw, i had taken the test for this question many times over.. maybe I'm lost... maybe I'm stupid...Or maybe I'm just plain ignorant... I've seen so many people pass where i've failed miserably. why? (f.y.i this is not the question) god please give me the answer key... or is the answer already in me? but i'm just to blind to see.. i'll ponder over this matter and i'll be alright tomorrow....

New skin

2005-04-29T15:46:00.000+08:00

Hm... what's this?? New skin? Yea... this is the new skin edited from one 1 stole from blogskins. This skin was inspired by someone i met recently... those who know should know... if not.. don't ask... long story. I think she's quite pretty.. i was refering to the blog skin. Unique and mysterious.. A grey tone. unsure. well... it sure was enough to set me off reviving this old blog...at 10p.m and i'm about done at 12.42.. nearly 3 hrs of work... a change from routine......so with out further delay, it's time to go to everybody's blog and leaving them a msg... to unveil the overdue new look.... cheers..

FEbuararararay

2005-02-20T18:55:00.000+08:00

Hey It's feburary somehow there's this love in the air i feel? yep it's the month which owns valentines day, What a wonderful day that is, even it's name brings a sense of love and a holy aura. WHAT CRAP! Lectures up till 830? F*** It.. Some how or rather, in this month of love, i don't sense any love in that from our lecturers. Though i havent really a clue what valentines day is for, i wouldn't want to deprive the couples from some peace time(and some tv time for me). SO Stupid. Enough of lamenting. Whateva happened to decent looking people? haven't u seen so many young ladies clad in such a small cloth , i couldn't even use to clean my feet! Not to say i'm not attracted, i feel they project a very cheap image on themselves and their species. I've personally seen people wjo are properly dressed and look fantastic. So gals, the next time u dress up , think whether it's neccessory. Gotta go....

Yanuary

2005-01-09T19:11:00.000+08:00

new years have come and gone.. what makes this one special? The fact that one is turning 18 is already special enough... not every year u can tell people your gonna buy a six pack and give to the nearest drunk when ur b'day comes.Another category of movies are also finally unlock for one's eyes, the idea of one watching steped up violence and sexual dipiction (sry dunno how to spell) is very much enticing. though the (correct me if i'm wrong) legal driving age has been raised, there is already so much to wait for.Driving can wait... for now, enjoy the booze and let ur older mates handle the traffic police=)! so much is gonna change you won't even know what hit ya... But this ,turning 18, could be a down side of this year for some, those who think that they aren't prepared for this. Certain suggestions i might suggest, some psychologist call an initiation ceremony. It's when u do something to go to the next level, like some sort of test . the trible people do this too but i won't go into detail what they do. now for the suggestions, try something u could never have done b4,smoke some (but dun let ur parents know), have safe sex might do the trick, and for those fags, try drinking alc but be sure u don't try jolly shandy that dosen't count.... but whateva u do homies, remember to be happy!

??

2004-10-19T13:48:00.000+08:00

hullo! haven't blogged in a long time... have been busy with project and stuff... tomorrow's the presentation and It's such a mess... No worries though. If I am ever known for anything, it would be last minute work. This week i'm having study break... but if anyone wanna go anywhere esp to movies, coffee, mugging or just doing nothing feel free to ask...Thinking about some stuff lately...on how i let myself fall again ,giving in to my human weakness... What i did in the last 2-3 months were rash and totally illogical...so to all who were affected, i can offer is my sincere apology. But i must say this... Whatever i expressed was true and honest..but a moment of weakness on my part allowed this forgotten secret to once again see light...so sorry... If you can't change it, all you can do is live with it...with that, i shall close this entry.

back

2004-10-06T19:21:00.000+08:00

Hiya! back from a long period of slacking so i thought i'd do some proper work(blogging). i'm gonna talk about life... nothing in life is for sure other than death and taxes... Why were humans even placed on this planet anyway? what's our purpose? I found out that humans were the only species that were given this "power" to protect the other species on earth. But, we have not done that.. In actual fact, we were just too plain greedy to care...we took the world like some kind of slave for us..so If you do not want this to continue, protect and save the planet... ok enough of the good samaritan talk.. now for the real shit.. god has been really unfair to the females,i've realised...Females that look good doesn't come with brains and those with brains don't look good... god has also been unfair to guys cos females that look good and come with brains are like a gazillion to one.god has also been unkind to the world... he created it in such a short time and now he is leaving it to us!? WTF! that goes to show how responsible he is...that's y i always say, god is only human...cos only humans could be so irresponsible andmistake prone.... i'm not saying god is bad... i'm just saying he's not perfect... like any human or animal... The end.... squishy!

CS!

2004-10-02T14:30:00.000+08:00

Ohhh... Wee! What a ro..rockin' daY! Haven't had this much fun in months! Ha school totally sucked... (when was school ever fun?) but the "After-school" activities Rocked! Went home to get lappy before heading to sp's mos fer sum uber fun! wel..., i'm back to cs..ha lappies rock! cos i can play me awesome game on the fly! stayed till like 7 then headed home fer some dinner ! Looking back,there wasn't anything to be this happy about... but i just get this very nice feeling.. ha maybe my luck's changing! Well would have been nicer if i had some nice dinner and caught a movie after that... too bad no soul's intrested in watching a movie with muah.. .Sobs.. Ha suddenly have this urge to mug...but I have NOTHING to mug! cos if i start studying,*not trying to sound proud*i'll be way ahead of me class! Well... tomorrow, i have tennis then going back to sp coffee bean. this time not to solidify but to do project...*sianz* Well this is all....i have today...Not mentioning that i don't have a cat dosen't mean i don't like them...or even still want one or many...

god's will

2004-09-30T14:47:00.000+08:00

Hullo! welcome to another chapter of my life. Today, was a day filled with activities. First it was a stressful test,which was easier then rumored, then the ring was missing,but i found it back.After that was stress relieveing at coffee bean..J8 ha.. played cs on lappy there .. haven't touch that game fer decades..headed home and had a nice little cat nap. The perfect day ain't it? Well i had some time(some=alot) in between my cs rounds to think bout' some stuff... I realised how god was able to make me hate him so much for screwing my life up.At the same time, during my hate,realise how him and life ain't that bad at all.Hat's off to ya' God!You'll probably be the only one in the universe that can pull that off. This has only thought me one thing,everything a human does/feel has everything to do with what's between our ears and totally nothing to do with what's inside out ribs... So come on people! Leave your heart outta' stuff and use your God given brains! Adding on to this, I would just like to say that my heart has been officially been lost in the sands of time.. and anyone who finds it would be nothing short of a miracle..But i assure all, the find would be greater than the discovery of the great pyramids of egypt! So come on lads'(female) start diggin'! capisce? Erm.. i guess only 1 out of 100 people would understand what i had just typed...and less than a 100 people visits my blog, so my guess is no one understands.. F.Y.I: capisce ="got it?"or "understand?" The wonders of a book! Thats all for this chapter.. so buaiz!(I f**king hate singlish) Peace Out!

BAck as me.

2004-09-28T10:21:00.000+08:00

Hulloo! Today was kinda freaky...It's the first time i really read a book since the eminem bio i bought..Did alot things that i never dreamt i'd do.. and... I'm back to my norml self! haha! the insults and sacarsim shall reign again! Tested the boundaries of life in poly... ha watched cartoons during lessons ! Erm.. other than that nothing ... i guess eating some mooncakes and drink some kick ass tea...thats all.... fun stuff! Man i wanna go drink some smashing coffee and watch some bloody brilliant movie.. then head out to some quiet restraunt fer some rockin' chinese! So much stuff so little people to do with...*sob* but i'll never ever accept substitutes! No way in hell! Meet it or beat it! standards i mean..well have to run... see ya ! Peace out